The storm before the calm

Hey, guys! How are you? I miss you.

Despite English being my second language, even I know that the saying is supposed to go the other way around, but to be honest, this version fits my life at the moment much better.

I am busy and working on multiple different areas, but I'm doing it to ultimately settle down and have things figured out… for the most part. Because, let's be honest, life is never perfectly sorted out. (If that's just my experience, don't ruin it for me, please ;)

This past week has rushed by and I ended up getting really sick - not being able to keep anything down and feeling very poorly.

I'm just starting to feel normal again and regain my appetite, which is very nice and I've also managed to update my online portfolio, which was the agreement after my job interview. Now I just need to mail the information to the contact person and see, what happens.

My boyfriend and I have been talking about dreams a lot this last week. Big and small ones, close and distant ones, silly ones and important ones. This turned out to be more of a challenge, than I thought. I never imagined that opening up like that would make me feel so vulnerable and exposed. Our dreams are our treasures. They give us hope and motivate us, they comfort us and makes us keep going.

  

Apart from the first picture, which is me (obviously), the rest are from tumblr.

After our initial conversation, we've built up on it quite a lot and find it exciting and cozy to talk about our plans and goals.

I'm, however, still learning to embrace those plans and goals as opposed to feeling overwhelmed by them and thinking less of myself and my life as it is. This is hard to explain, but I've always been a dreamer and a planner and have approached my plans in a way, that motivates me on the basis of me not wanting to be in the place I am. Oh, God. That sentence doesn't make any sense even to me. Let me try again. I have a goal. I need some motivation. And the way I found my motivation was through convincing myself, that this is what I need in order to change my life for the better, because it sucks at the moment. And I just realized this recently. It's soooo not the best option.

My dreams are important to me. I want to improve my life. But there's nothing wrong with it to begin with. I am not less worthy of a person as I am now, versus the imaginary future me with a better job, apartment, language skills etc. This has been my week's a-ha moment.

And it's also pretty much all I feel like saying right now. I have so much I want to share with you guys and a lot of things are in the works. I have a fun wardrobe clear out project in a couple of weeks and some Christmas post ideas, wish lists etc., but for now, I want to keep this nice and short.

I've been trying to film a video a couple of times, in hopes, that it would help me with blogging on regular basis - it's simply faster to speak than to type for the most part - granted, if no major editing is needed and here's where my problems begin. Apart from not having a great camera, I also pressure myself to be as short and precise as possible, which makes me sound unnatural and also causes me to make some very interesting mistakes. Just the other day, I described my outfit as consisting of "a nice casual overweight sweater". Yeah, make that "oversized", nice try, Renate. Maybe soon, though. Let me know, if you're interested - then I'll keep trying.

Also, what have you all been up to? What are you most looking forward to in the next few weeks? A little something I can add is the Disney Frozen, which I can't wait for to come out. How cute is this?

Hope you all are having a wonderful week, talk to you soon! Let me know if you have any questions or feedback down below, I love to hear from you and will reply, as always asap.

Renate ❤